World Cup Ramblings
Credit:
So cold logic now dictates that, having beaten pre-tournament
favourites Spain, Switzerland are set to win the 2010 World Cup. Come
the 11th of July the sound of cow bells will ring out across the world
and we will all stand in praise of our new football overlords.
Yodeling will become de rigeur on the world’s football terraces with
“You’re go-ho-go-ho-ing home in a mountain rescue, air lift
helicopter” set to become a particular favourite. Sepp will decree
that all football shorts will henceforth be manufactured in the style
of lederhosen (extra small for the ladies) and Alpen will be named the
official FIFA breakfast cereal. Anyone found sneaking in to games with
Coco-Pops branding on their leather britches can expect no mercy.
And, following the completion of the first round of group games, we can expect other changes to the world order too. With his claims of divine infallibility fatally undermined by his sides defeat by Brazil, North Korea’s Dear Leader will simply have to go. Expect the Venga Boys to be installed in his place and for plumed head-dresses and nipple tassles to replace those dowdy workers uniforms.
Across the Irish sea Fabio Capello is about to realise how the process of reverse beatification works as Robert Green’s error alerts the impatient British public to an alarming possibility; that a lifetime of success may be nothing more than cunning subterfuge and Mr Capello is, in fact, some kind of vegetable.
On a more general note it appears that in the ever shifting sands of fashion drawing is the new winning, which casts Germany in the role of World Cup party poopers. Never ones to sacrifice themselves to the demands of pop culture the dull Germans stuck with the old fashioned principle of scoring as many goals as they could. Typically out of step they also insisted on doing so in as entertaining a manner as possible. They won’t last long with that attitude.
Questions that have yet to be answered as we move into the second round of group games include the following:
Why do the French shirts appear to have an elaborate system of bra straps across the back?
If Uruguay’s Louis Suarez had been playing in the late seventeenth century, would Sir Isaac Newton have discovered the principles of gravity earlier than he eventually did?
And, following the completion of the first round of group games, we can expect other changes to the world order too. With his claims of divine infallibility fatally undermined by his sides defeat by Brazil, North Korea’s Dear Leader will simply have to go. Expect the Venga Boys to be installed in his place and for plumed head-dresses and nipple tassles to replace those dowdy workers uniforms.
Across the Irish sea Fabio Capello is about to realise how the process of reverse beatification works as Robert Green’s error alerts the impatient British public to an alarming possibility; that a lifetime of success may be nothing more than cunning subterfuge and Mr Capello is, in fact, some kind of vegetable.
On a more general note it appears that in the ever shifting sands of fashion drawing is the new winning, which casts Germany in the role of World Cup party poopers. Never ones to sacrifice themselves to the demands of pop culture the dull Germans stuck with the old fashioned principle of scoring as many goals as they could. Typically out of step they also insisted on doing so in as entertaining a manner as possible. They won’t last long with that attitude.
Questions that have yet to be answered as we move into the second round of group games include the following:
Why do the French shirts appear to have an elaborate system of bra straps across the back?
If Uruguay’s Louis Suarez had been playing in the late seventeenth century, would Sir Isaac Newton have discovered the principles of gravity earlier than he eventually did?
About Simon O'Gorman
Simon O'Gorman began reporting for Extratime in 2010. He remembers Milltown and Flower Lodge and, back in the mists of time, saw Diego Maradona play at Lansdowne Road. He now lives in Co Kildare and … View Full Profile