So who are England, Ireland's UEFA Nations League opponents?
Declan Rice (right) and Mason Mount during the UEFA Euro 2020 Championship Group D match between England and Croatia at Wembley Stadium on June 13, 2021 in London, England. Credit: Shaun Botterill - UEFA/UEFA via Getty Images)
Heimir Hallgrimsson’s first game as Ireland manager will not be an easy once - the Icelander faces England at the Aviva Stadium in the UEFA Nations League Group B opener.
It is not Hallgrimsson’s first time coming up against the English - he was joint boss with Lars Lagerbäck when Iceland knocked out Roy Hodgson’s side with a 2-1 win at Euro 2016.
And as a qualified dentist, this clash will not be the first time the Vestmannaeyjar native will have done battle with opponents with poor quality teeth.
Plus, as an Icelandic man and former Jamaica coach, Heimir will be au fait with the concept of a small island nation being occupied and put under pressure by a superior British force.
But we digress.
The question is: who exactly are “England” and who, if anybody, will League of Ireland fans recognise when the Tree Lions descend on Dublin on Saturday afternoon?
As is always the case - and we Pride (aha!) ourselves on it - extratime.com has you covered from start to finish. We ask…
Who are England?
England is a country located east of Ireland, south of Scotland and north-west of France populated by a German-speaking people known primarily as the English (Germans).
The primary exports of England include Jeffrey Epstein’s “friends”, crude and refined oil and Oliver Cromwell brandishing a pike.
The primary imports of England include Jeffrey Epstein’s “friends”, crude and refined oil and Oliver Cromwell’s severed head on a pike.
Unlike the last meeting between the sides, when England wore blue and Ireland white, Ireland will wear their traditional green while England hope to enforce their traditional white supremacy.
What is their international pedigree?
The Republic of Ireland (26 counties) and England have faced 17 times since the former’s foundation in 1921 and it doesn’t make pretty reading for Ireland.
Six wins and two defeats for the English, plus nine draws, place the visitors firmly in the ascendancy, a word that famously has no historical significance on the island of Ireland.
The recent record is more split - since 1988, the sides have met eight times, with a win apiece and six draws on the records.
Most recently, Ireland travelled to London in 2020 and lost 3-0, a spell that ended with Damien Duff quitting the Ireland coaching staff and Harry Maguire getting hit in the face with a corner.
Who will League of Ireland fans recognise?
Irish fans will certainly recognise England interim coach Lee Cars Lee, a mechanic from Birmingham who played 40 times for the Irish national team.
He was approached about replacing Stephen Kenny as Ireland boss earlier this year but chose to continue with the FA because, well, we’ll leave it there so.
They will certainly also know fellow Birmingham man Jack Grealish (although a Villa staunch) from his wasted hours in tanning salons.
Tallaght is the tanning salon capital of Europe - the biggest salon on the continent. Gwan Tallaght.
Declan Rice played all the way through the ranks with Ireland and played three senior games, against France, USA and Turkey, before deciding that turkey doesn’t go with rice.
Teeanger Harry Kane (aged 31), of Bayern Munchen, scored his first Tottenham Hotspur goal against Shamrock Rovers in the Europa League.
And Bukayo Saka twice sat on the bench for Arsenal against Dundalk, which is two more times than Brian Ainscough ever did after transferring his allegiance from Kerry.
Ireland and England’s two other opponents in the group are Greece, who invented philosophy around 6000 BC, and Finland, who invented the Nokia 3210 in 1999.
