Vera Pauw: ‘It was one of hardest thing I’ve done in my life but also the best thing. People do not realise the impact that it has on a woman’s life, if you keep that inside.’

It is a big week for Vera Pauw with her Irish team looking for a win over Finland on Thursday to secure a place in the Women’s World Cup play-off.

This week will also be the first time she gets to meet her squad since July when she went public and revealed she was raped and sexually assaulted as a player 30 years ago.

On Friday morning she spoke with the press in Dublin when she named her squad for the upcoming FIFA 2023 World Cup qualifiers. 

She spoke with her usual passion and no little excitement about what her team is on the cusp of doing on the pitch. However she also spoke openly about her changed circumstances and the positivity she now feels after going public about her assault.

When asked how she has been over the summer, she admitted that she hid “under a stone” for a few weeks after issuing her statement but that the “overwhelming” support she got from all quarters in Ireland and beyond encouraged her first to go on RTÉ during the European Championships to speak about the issue.

Warmth

“I decided to first go on television because I wanted to thank everybody for the exceptional warmth,” said Pauw. “I could hardly grasp the warmth from everybody from Ireland. It kept me on my feet. Ireland has shown the lead, because after that, the positive reactions were coming from elsewhere.”

She acknowledged that sharing her story was very difficult but that she has found the experience rewarding and wants to encourage others in a similar situation to do likewise.

“It was one of hardest thing I’ve done in my life but also the best thing. Because I feel free. I feel open in my relationships with people. But there is still a long way to go. 

“I want to be seen as a coach first. I’m the same Vera. For me, it is the end of the process, for you, it is a shock. I’m a better Vera than I was before my statement. 

“I say this now to help others who maybe are not there yet. It needs to get out of your body. I feel that a barrier has disappeared. In little things, being confident to speak with somebody in another language that you are not so comfortable in. Even those things. That you are okay with what you are wearing. All things like that.

“People do not realise the impact that it has on a woman’s life, if you keep that inside.

Heart

"So I want to say to all the women, if you have the guts, deal with it, because it really gets to your heart; when you look in the mirror when you dress up for the coach conference in UEFA and you think for the first time in your life ‘Oh that looks nice on you’. 

“Because before, you only see as if you are judged on how you look like instead of who you are. That is freedom for me, in my relationship with people around me, especially the ones I don’t know too well. The ones that I know very well are different. But even for them, they say ‘We see an open and more confident Vera in who you are.’ 

She said that her players sent her “amazing, amazing messages” back in July. 

Energy

“Wednesday was the first time that I was on the pitch again, with the home-based (WNL) players so I spoke with them, and I must say talking with them about it is much harder than talking in public about it, because they get into your heart. It’s something you have to deal with, and I’m ready for it.

"I’m full of energy. I’ve got more energy than I’ve had in years.” 

Ireland team poised for crucial Finland test in Tallaght

Pauw: 'We feel it is a final'https://t.co/JTrFuZd3W6pic.twitter.com/ZDTZqo9lNA

— Extratime.com (@ExtratimeNews) August 26, 2022